What do you call a spherical Bible?

A canon ball.

What did St. Peter use to chop firewood?

The axe of the apostles.

Which vegetable did the Magi tell about Jesus' birth?

Lettuce. (Oh come lettuce adore him).

What is the world's oldest profession?

Taxonomy. Yhwh told Adam to name the plants and animals.

What made Adam the first redneck?

Yhwh made him out of red (adamah) clay.

Easter

The Warlocks, Jerry Garcia's solo band, had a talented rythm guitarist named Jesús who had immigrated from Mexico. He was a young, up and coming musician who had been allowed to play at some Grateful Dead rehearsals. Like many teenagers and young adults he was more susceptipal to the flu and was too busy and young to think much about getting a flu shot. Sure enough he contracted a severe flu strain in late winter and wound up in the hospital. The Dead were on tour when Jerry got the call from Jesús saying he would probably be out commission for at least a month and began apologizing. Jerry cut him off and told he did not need to apologize and not worry about anything except taking it easy and getting over the flu, and that The Warlocks would not be touring until next Winter. Jerry told his bandmates about Jesús and said he wished he could do something for him, but touring made that impossible. After some discussion and well-wishes, they decided they could at least send him a card and some flowers, but they did not want to come accross as too girly, and for most men one flower said it all. Jerry called a local florist who took the order and transmitted it to Jesús's hospital. For him, like most men, less was more and he was touched when he got the single flower and card the said "Jesús, a rose from the Dead".